あー・・・もしもし？
私は君の前任者だ。一身上の都合とやらで、今週で退職の身だがね。
君はたぶん緊張してるだろうけど、心配しなくても大丈夫！
だからとりあえず最初の一週間を乗り切ろう、いいね？
えっと、まず読まなくちゃいけない 「 歓迎のご挨拶 」 があるんだ。
そういう決まりでね、まあ察してくれ。
『 艦隊これくしょん へようこそ！
　ここは大人が夢見て楽しい鎮守府。
　当鎮守府はあらゆる損害に対し一切の責任を負いません。
　万一、死亡事故等が第三者に見つかった場合、９０日以内に『失踪』届が出され、
　あらゆる証拠物件とカーペットは速やかに『始末』されます。……』
読んでてウンザリしてきたので、以下略。
今、酷い話だと思ったろう？　なぁに、本当に何も心配することは無いさ。
ここの艦娘たちは夜間、少しばかりおかしな癖が出る。
連中の悪口かって？　まさか！　私だってムリヤリ戦争を……下らない戦争を２０年もさせられて、
挙句に風呂（入渠）にも入れないんじゃ、夜くらいイラついてしまうさ。
いいかい、連中は大人たちの癒しなんだ。そんな彼女らを君も少しは尊敬してみせること。いいね？
そういうわけで気を付けて欲しいんだが、艦娘たちはちょろちょろと歩きまわる。
自動徘徊モードとかいうのが備わっててね、えーとね……、あんまり長いこと動かさないと
自動制御機構に関する部品が固まってしまうんだよ。
昔は昼間も歩かせてたんだが、’８７年の「噛み付き事件」でなぁ……
いやあ、人間って頭が欠けても生きられるんだねぇ。
まあいい。君の安全について話すとしよう。
提督であれ何であれ、君にとって本当に危険なのは、実は彼女ら艦娘なんだ。
帰還後の艦娘は、たまたま君を見かけても、きっと君を人間とは認識しないだろう。
連中が、連中がやりそうなのは、「制服」を脱いだ金属製内骨格との勘違いだ。
艦娘が内骨格を晒すのは当店のルール違反だから、連中はきっと……、
むりやり君を、当鎮守府の制服である艤装の中に押し込めようとするだろう。
うむ、艤装に骨組みの梁やらワイヤーやら動作用機器やらが詰まってなかったらマシなんだがね。
特に艦橋周り。そんなもんを強引に被せられたら、束の間の不快感の後には……もう死んでるよなぁ。
再び日の光を拝めそうなのは、目玉とか、歯とかが……艦橋の前側から飛び出す形でさ。
いや、こんな話、契約書にサインする時には聞いてなかったよな……。
まぁ元気出せ！　このメッセージを聞いたなら、初日は何無くやり過ごせるさ。明日は雑談でもしようか。
監視カメラをチェックして、絶対に必要なとき以外はドアを閉めておくこと。
最後に、電力を大切にな。
それじゃ頑張ってくれ。
いい夜を。

と・・・いうわけでようやく原稿が終わりました。
お久しぶりです。

これからリクエスト消化いたしますのでもうしばらくお待ちくだナス！

サンプルの方も後日公開予定ですので･･･見てね！

Hello, hello?

Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact -- gotta resign due to 'personal reasons' and all. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. You'll do fine! So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week, okay?

Uh, let's see, first there's an "introductory greeting" from the Admiralty that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a "procedure" thing, you know. Well, here goes!

"Welcome to Kantai Collection!
A magical place for grown-ups, where fantasy and fun come to life. The Admiralty is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon as the carpets and/or possible evidence has been 'dealt' with..."

Blah blah blah, now, that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the ship girls here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No! If I were forced to fight those same impossi... stupid battles for twenty years and I never got a bath (docking) in the end? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these ships hold a special place in the hearts of men and we need to show them a little respect. Okay?

So, just be aware, the girls do tend to wander around a bit. Uh they're left in some kind of free-roaming mode. Uh... something about their servos locking up if they don't get to move for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too, but then there was The Bite of '87...

...Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?

Anyways, now, concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as an admiral, if any, is the fact that these girls, uh, if they happen to see you at port, they probably won't recognize you as a person.

They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its uniform on.

Now since it's against base regulations for ship girls to leave their endoskeleton exposed to view, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a base regulation uniform. With the rigging and everything. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the riggings themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and other moving bits.

...Especially around the facial (bridge) area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the bridge area, heh.

Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up... But hey, cheer up! First day should be a breeze, especially after you've heard this message. I'll chat with you tomorrow.

Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good luck, and good night.

--

...and I'm finally finished with the draft. That took a while.

You guys have to wait a while before I finish another request!

I'll get the samples up in a few days... look forward to it!