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Sure enough, I sometimes wonder which of us was the craziest. If you asked someone with no prior knowledge, eight or nine out of ten would probably say me, but when I look at them, having gotten their family back after 1400 years, I still feel a sudden cold in my chest.
I wonder just how much they know. What they're revealing, what they're hiding. I have no idea. Even with my master's ears, even now that we've all become corpses and it's all hazy, they still wouldn't understand me. However, if I decided to share and reveal all that, would we keep our bonds and unity, or descend into a dance of death? What do you think?
I dare say they all know the name and shape of the monsters they keep within their hearts. More than enough time has passed for them to face their egos. Erasing and falsifying their memories can't change their innermost feelings. The great serpent raising its head, the bird of prey kissing the carrion, the heart laid bare in broad daylight, the demon dwelling between the lines...
Therefore, if I tried to ask which of us is the craziest, they'd all try to name themselves, but the words would get stuck in their throats. They must all be pointing at the wicked hermit behind her back, huh? Although, if you tried to compare their madness to mine, it'd be like a squirrel sticking its nose out into an early spring typhoon.
That... That must be why she will not talk.
Even this place has changed completely, hasn't it? Only about 300 years ago there were still townspeople saying this was the grave of someone named Huo Huan, but now no one knows your name. Furthermore, in 500 years I haven't met a single person who knew that this wasn't actually your grave, but the place where you grew wings and ascended from a hermit into a celestial.
Even this place that I used to hold dear is nothing but an empty plot of land, parched earth with some trash mixed in. Even this monologue of mine will vanish, heard by no one but Yoshika next to me and some unlucky passer-by. That's exactly why I can talk about this. However, too much time has passed for me to soothe my heart with a letter that'll never be delivered.
—It may have been aftermath from the recent disturbances, but when I passed through Senkai to slip into the present world, my master gave me a strict look. I haven't visited this place yet, have I? No, I should've come sooner. Even if I left my heart here and you happened to find it, it's not like you'd wait for my fickle rendezvous. And even if you did, I wouldn't have the heart to face you.
I'll end it here. I'm a wicked hermit, filling the hole in my chest with a life of doing as I please, while you're a fine jumped-up celestial, and so we're doomed to be different forever. That's the sort of story this is.
At least at the very end, I'll be honest. I think I loved you. You who were my husband. You who used this chisel you got from a hermit to sneak into my house, violated my young self and made me your wife. You who ruined me.