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Partially translated
Artist's commentary
Original
チョコ0回避
これで今年のバレンタインチョコ0は避けられたな! 勝った!!
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That can't be! Commander, it'd be bad if you died!
Aight, Miyuki-sama will go buy some in a flash!
Ugh...I'm having a cacao-polyphenol-deficiency attack... I'll...die...
Cacao...certainly, chocolate should be made from cacao beans...