Donmai

Opinions on a check_english or check_grammar tag?

Posted under General

It'd basically be like check_translation but if the translator is confident they got the point of the translation across, they just aren't confident in their English grammar. Maybe "proofread" instead? Most of my note changes are fixing typos or grammatical errors or whatever I come across while reading comics/doujins, so I figured a tag where I could find things to fix when in the mood may be nice. Translators could add it if they aren't confident in themselves or other viewers could add it if they feel the grammar or flow of the dialogue is off. No hablo japanese

ルーミア said:

What's wrong with using check_translation for this purpose?

I can't be sure if they are confident in how they interpreted part of the Japanese. Without knowing any Japanese myself, I (or any others who would proofread) can only assume that the interpretation of the Japanese is completely correct. post #4542028 for example: Chen's bubble is translated to "Far and up" which could either be completely correct, correct in meaning but sounds odd in English, or completely wrong, and I have no way of knowing which.

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Lobuttomize said:

I can't be sure if they are confident in how they interpreted part of the Japanese. Without knowing any Japanese myself, I (or any others who would proofread) can only assume that the interpretation of the Japanese is completely correct. post #4542028 for example: Chen's bubble is translated to "Far and up" which could either be completely correct, correct in meaning but sounds odd in English, or completely wrong, and I have no way of knowing which.

That honestly looks to me like that's supposed to be the "flying away" slang for sexual climax, or at least related to it.

Lobuttomize said:

I can't be sure if they are confident in how they interpreted part of the Japanese. Without knowing any Japanese myself, I (or any others who would proofread) can only assume that the interpretation of the Japanese is completely correct. post #4542028 for example: Chen's bubble is translated to "Far and up" which could either be completely correct, correct in meaning but sounds odd in English, or completely wrong, and I have no way of knowing which.

blindVigil said:

That honestly looks to me like that's supposed to be the "flying away" slang for sexual climax, or at least related to it.

The preceding page uses iku (conjugated into the 'polite' form ikimasu), "to go", but also used there in the euphemistic sense for "to achieve sexual climax" (usually translated into English as the equivalent "to come"). This euphemism is also the source of most of the lewd jokes involving characters named Iku, including Nagae Iku from Touhou and I-19 from Kancolle.

On post #4542028, Chen extends the metaphor further by attaching "harukanaru takami e", "towards distant heights". Harukanaru itself is a semi-archaic way of saying "far", and the overall construction "harukanaru takami e" has a certain poetic, profound quality about it, so it's also used often in meaningful-sounding 'quotes'.

Now, this phrase does make sense given the context, but at the same time it also sound... jarring, because one doesn't usually attach this kind of profound phrase to a ribald situation like what is happening in post #4542028. Imagine, for a moment, someone screaming "to the stars!"/"ad astra!", "toward ever-distant heights!", or a more modern popculture equivalent "to infinity and beyond!"... all while having sex. Again, it... makes sense given the context, but it sounds awkward and jarring and may kill the mood.

So, this is why Ran responded with "Nanka chotto chigakunai?", "Aren't you a little bit off there?". So, yes, the jarring effect is intentional, and also pointed out by one of the characters within the comic.

However there is a complication with the equivalent English euphemism "to come" as it doesn't blend as well with the extended metaphor Chen is using (said metaphor also happens to form the bulk of the title of this comic short), since "come" indicates a direction of motion opposite that of "go". So "come towards" sounds more like a command (issued in the second person) instead of describing what the speaker is undergoing, and trying to preserve the original metaphor might make it sound even more jarring in English to the point that the readers will likely go "Hunh?" instead of the original "Ha, right, funny, but you're kinda misusing the word there".

The translator likely tried to avoid this somewhat by dropping the preposition, but as you noted, "come... far and up!" might still sound odd and confusing to English readers. We may be able 'improve' this by either using another euphemism instead of "come", or to use another different metaphor (preferably another profound quote/popculture phrase) that fits well with the 'inward' direction indicated by "come". Right now I'm drawing a blank though.

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I don't think the immediate problem is the phrase not making sense as a follow-up to "I'm coming", it's just that "far and up" means nothing by itself and sounds like a mistranslation, like it should be "far and away". Plus, the line on the previous page is written in English as a complete sentence, so the next page doesn't even register as being a continuation of the previous dialogue.

As far as suitable replacements go, my first thought would be to reword it as something like, "I'm going to [cum]..." or "I'm almost [there]...", both common ways to indicate climax, and then use "to reach the stars" on the final page, or whichever suitably awkward phrase you prefer.

blindVigil said:

I don't think the immediate problem is the phrase not making sense as a follow-up to "I'm coming", it's just that "far and up" means nothing by itself and sounds like a mistranslation, like it should be "far and away". Plus, the line on the previous page is written in English as a complete sentence, so the next page doesn't even register as being a continuation of the previous dialogue.

As far as suitable replacements go, my first thought would be to reword it as something like, "I'm going to [cum]..." or "I'm almost [there]...", both common ways to indicate climax, and then use "to reach the stars" on the final page, or whichever suitably awkward phrase you prefer.

Hmm, "About to climax— towards infinity and beyond!" does kinda work. Though "climax" might be bit too overt despite it starting off as another euphemism.

Maybe...
"About to reach new heights— among the stars!"?
"About to blast off— towards infinity and beyond!"?
"About to reach the Big O— up in the distant great sky!"?

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NNescio said:

Hmm, "About to climax— towards infinity and beyond!" does kinda work. Though "climax" might be bit too overt despite it starting off as another euphemism.

Maybe...
"About to reach new heights— among the stars!"?
"About to blast off— towards infinity and beyond!"?
"About to reach the Big O— up in the distant great sky!"?

I think those are stretching it too far, complicating it too much. No one, that I've ever met, uses those as euphemisms for climax, even as jokes. Overcomplicating it hurts the joke more imo.

At least if I understand your explanation, it starts as a typical, easily understood euphemism, and transitions into something that works but isn't quite right. Changing the first part to something atypical defeats the original point.

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