Donmai

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Radahn: I donโ€™t know where I am. I donโ€™t know what anyone is doing. I don't know which is true; am I gay for Miquella and Aeonia was staged, or did I try to back out and the twins came to bridenap me? I donโ€™t know how Miq can casually rip off bodyparts when Ranni had to do that bullshit with the Death Rune to become a spirit. Come to think of it; I donโ€™t know why my sister was an Empyrean to begin with when purportedly what made Mickey and Malenia qualify was Marika fucking herself to conceive them. I donโ€™t know why โ€œThe Fingersโ€ are portrayed as immortal manipulative masterminds when Metyr is just a big monster killed in a straight fight, they never actually display mind control capabilities like Mick does, and people have to interpret their messages so whoโ€™s to say the Finger Readers werenโ€™t making shit up themselves? I donโ€™t know what Radagon is even meant to be: is he an externalized persona like Trina & Millicent, or is he just some guy that got assimilated by her, thereโ€™s evidence either way. I donโ€™t know why Gargoyle Black Weapons use the wrong particle effects. I donโ€™t know why Gurranq doesnโ€™t despawn when Maliketh dies. I donโ€™t know why Irinaโ€™s corpse doesnโ€™t despawn when she comes back as Hyetta. I donโ€™t know why Marikaโ€™s corpse is in the arena when fighting Radagon who we just saw morph her body into his own to fight. I donโ€™t know why it took From 2.5 years to enable Torrent in the Elden Beast fight when that boss was blatantly designed to be chased and dodged from horseback. I donโ€™t know why several of the Hornsent NPCs and Enemy types donโ€™t have actual horns attached to their models. I donโ€™t know why one of Millicentโ€™s sisters just randomly has a copy of Melinaโ€™s dagger. I donโ€™t know why Niall has both legs intact and uses his prosthetic as a bladed boxing glove. I donโ€™t know why Fingercreepers were retconned into being related to Two Fingers when the base game hinted they were creations of Rykard and they donโ€™t actually resemble each other. I donโ€™t know if Placidusax was supposed to have 4 or 5 heads originally. I donโ€™t know why Florissax is stuck in anthro-dragon form when Lansseax can switch between full-dragon & full-human at will. I donโ€™t know why Mitch just randomly has a third arm as a spirit. I donโ€™t know why Mallie and Miqy donโ€™t have wolfman babysitters or their own personal Two Fingers when that apparently is standard equipment for all Empyreans. I donโ€™t know how the twins can just casually leave the continent and start a rival religion long before Miquella figured out how to break the compulsions of the Golden Order and become a god if weโ€™re supposed to believe living!Ranni could barely move a muscle if her own Fingers didnโ€™t allow it. I donโ€™t know why EVERY single NPC questline boils down to hide-and-seek and yapping simulators that are almost impossible not to break without a guide. I donโ€™t know why everyone gives Miyazaki a pass for how lacking the actual Role-Play aspects of his games have always been. And even GOD doesnโ€™t know what the timeline of events is and how long ago anything actually happened.

What I do know is this; you fuck with my pets, youโ€™re gonna die. Or get mindwhammied by my dubiously consensual life-partner. Simple as.

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